i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
