you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
