I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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