you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
