What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
