Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
