I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
