You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
