I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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