The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
