i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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