We're facebook friends in real life
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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