Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
