I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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