i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Drunk is a universal language darling
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
