Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
