I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
