It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
