I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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