She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
