I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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