I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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