Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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