clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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