i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
