why didn't you poke me back
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
