Please, let me fuck your mom
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
