Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i think i have two assholes
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
