flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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