All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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