i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
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