If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
