Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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