four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
