u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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