I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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