Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
there is glitter all over my balls
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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