saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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