Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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