So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
