babies were throwing up all over the place
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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