In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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