i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This toilet bowl is my home.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
