Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
