sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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