I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
