Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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