Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
