so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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