he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
