forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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