In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
