Buhtt sex?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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