It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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